SAiYUKi: The Stupidest Adventure EVER!
by KawaiiLilMarron
Summary: Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai are driving west when they hit a magical koala that erased their knowledge of colors. So now, they are searching for the colors of the rainbow! In the weirdest places.(WEIRDRANDOM)
1. May The Stupidity Begin!

SAiYUKi: The Stupidest Adventure EVER!  
  
Chapter 1: May The Stupidity Begin.  
  
A/N: WHOO! I am Paisley, back for another fanfiction. I usually only write Yu Yu Hakusho, but my friends (Dani and Sydney) spent the night and after watching the full series of Gravitation (and yelling at the crappy ending) we decided that we are going to make fun of SAiYUKi...because it's fun! Don't take any of this seriously. Or your seriousness will be shot away by Zenon's machine gun. MUAH HA HA!!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own SAiYUKi, that's Kazuya Minakura's deal. If we did, believe us, you'd know! You'd see SAiYUKi porn, sex toys, blow up dolls...etc. Which isn't a bad idea. GOJYO IS MINE!! And yours, for the world to share...*angelic look*  
  
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Merciful Goddess: Wow, it's stuffy up here.  
  
Jiroushin: What are you talking about?  
  
Merciful Goddess: I don't know...hmmm...confusing.  
  
Jiroushin: Umm...I still don't understand why you sent them on an earth- bound path...  
  
Merciful Goddess: Because it's funny when they get splinters in their feet!!!  
  
Jiroushin: What? They wear shoes.  
  
Merciful Goddess: *wiggles her fingers* They're an illusion!!!  
  
Jiroushin: Who hired me for this job?  
  
Merciful Goddess: I bought you off a banana seller back when you were younger, many men were taking advantage of your body and I joined in for a while until I realized maybe in the future you would be asking me STUPID QUESTIONS!  
  
Jiroushin: Did you really? *starts to cry*  
  
Merciful Goddess: Nope. *points at him* SUCKER!!!  
  
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Goku: I'm hungry.  
  
Sanzo: *Rolls his eyes* What the fuck else is new? I swear I'm going to kill you next time you complain.  
  
Gojyo: *Lights his cigarette* You always say that, Sanzo, not once have you even put the gun to some REAL use.  
  
Hakkai: *Sigh*  
  
Sanzo: What is it now?  
  
Gojyo: *Lights another cigarette*  
  
Hakkai: KANAN!!!!!! *starts crying*  
  
Sanzo: Dear god...  
  
Gojyo: He will NEVER get over it. *Lights another cigarette*  
  
Hakkai: *Still crying*  
  
Goku: I'm STILL hungry, guys. I want some meat. *Looks hungrily at Gojyo*  
  
Gojyo: AAH! Don't look at me like that, you sick monkey bastard!  
  
Goku: But I'm hungry. *Whines* *Sticks nicotine patch on Gojyo's forehead*  
  
Gojyo: AHH! Craving...for...nicotine...fading!!! AHH! GET IT OFF!! *scratches at his forehead*  
  
Goku: Ha Ha! Now you have to get me food or I won't take it off! I'm sooo hungry...  
  
Hakkai: *still crying*  
  
Sanzo: Is that really safe that you're crying AND driving?  
  
Gojyo: Must....smoke...anyway! *lights a cigarette*  
  
Goku: *Finds random box of nicotine patches and sticks them all over Gojyo*  
  
Gojyo: You.... bastard...Sanzo, start smoking so I can have some second hand smoke...QUICK!  
  
Sanzo: I think I feel like making you suffer a little while longer.  
  
*Loud bump*  
  
Gojyo: What the nicotine was that??!  
  
Hakkai: I think when I was driving and somebody reminded me of Kanan *breaks into tears again*, I was blinded by the excess water in my system and it blinded my already crappy vision. So I hit a rainbow seeking, talking koala who can fly and seems to be a distant relative of Goku.  
  
Goku: Can we eat it? *drools*  
  
Gojyo: How about we second hand smoke out of the jeep and see what we hit?  
  
Sanzo: Let's dump the body...or shoot it.  
  
Goku: I wanna taste it first!  
  
Hakkai: I wanna name it...Kanan. *starts crying again*  
  
Gojyo: You're going to tobacco a dead koala after your dead girlfriend?  
  
Hakkai: *grabs Gojyo by his shirt* SHE ISN'T DEAD!! She's here in spirit...*continues to cry and looks at the koala, strokes it* Oh Kanan *sniffle* I know you're alright. *hugs the dead koala* I LOVE YOU!!  
  
Gojyo: *cough*THERAPY*cough*  
  
Sanzo: Was that sarcasm?  
  
Gojyo: Nope, I haven't had a cigarette in at least 3 minutes...  
  
Magical Koala: Umm...you bastards hit me!!  
  
Hakkai: KANAN!! YOU'RE ALIVE!! SEE GOJYO!!  
  
Magical Koala: *kicks Hakkai* Get off of me!  
  
Goku: It smells delicious.  
  
Magical Koala: I am not food you monkey bastard!  
  
Gojyo: He hates Goku as much as me.  
  
Magical Koala: Shut up pinky!  
  
Gojyo: That little rainbow bastard!!  
  
Sanzo: *puts his gun to the koala's forehead* Tell us what you want.  
  
Magical Koala: Oh, right! My name is...  
  
Hakkai: IT'S KANAN!! *sulks in the corner*  
  
Magical Koala: NO!! My name is Fullymartinmoo!  
  
Gojyo: I know we'll never call you that...  
  
Goku: Can I eat him now Sanzo?  
  
Sanzo: *pushes the gun on his forehead* WHAT DO YOU WANT!?  
  
Fullymartinmoo: I want you all to go find the magical rainbow. But first, you must learn all of your colors.  
  
Hakkai: But we know them all...*sniffle*  
  
Fullymartinmoo: Nope, I just erased your memory so now you have to re-learn them.  
  
Hakkai: Is re-learn even a word? *sniffle* That word reminds me of Kanan!  
  
Sanzo: It doesn't even sound like--  
  
Hakkai: SHUT UP!  
  
Fullymartinmoo: Now get back in your jeep and search for the colors!  
  
Sanzo: I can't believe I'm listening to a koala, who's probably just another mental image I'm seeing because we smoke too much.  
  
Hakkai: Her...name...is...KANAN!!! *starts twitching*  
  
Gojyo: Poor Hakkai--GOKU, stop eating the koala!  
  
Goku: *Gnaws on koala's arm*  
  
Fullymartinmoo: GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!  
  
Hakkai: Kanan, my love!! Goku, stop eating her.  
  
Fullymartinmoo: I'm a he. *Starts to bleed excessively*  
  
Gojyo: His blood is---LUNG CANCER---er, every color of the rainbow.  
  
Sanzo: I think he's one of the colors.  
  
Gojyo: Huh?  
  
Fullymartinmoo: *Explodes*  
  
Sanzo: He WAS one of the colors! *Exaggerated gasp*  
  
Gojyo: EGADS! We found red.  
  
Hakkai: Kanan died....again. *Goes into hysterical crying*  
  
Goku: *Continues to gnaw on single arm*  
  
Sanzo: Goku, put that rabit-koala-arm down.  
  
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A/N: Well, that's the end of the first chapter...if you were confused, well, we were too. We have no idea where this plot is going, but it IS hella funny. Time for the disclaimer...again  
  
Disclaimer: We DO own Fullymartinmoo, but not SAiYUKi, believe me, you'd see porn... 


	2. Rabies Contain Colors!

SAiYUKi: The Stupidest Adventure Ever!  
  
Chapter 2: Rabies Contain Colors!!  
  
A/N: Umm, second chapter! This will hopefully be just as weird as the first one. Alright!? Alright.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own SAiYUKi, or believe me, there would be Hakkai X Gojyo porn...blow up dolls...and numerous other sex toys. And much more merchandise available to me.  
  
_______________________________________ Goku: Hey guys! This koala kinda tastes pretty good!  
  
Hakkai: *starts to cry* You ate Kanan...  
  
Gojyo: Sanzo...please...smoke a cigarette...I need second hand smoke...*tries to peel off a nicotine patch*  
  
Sanzo: Bite me.  
  
Gojyo: I will if you blow some smoke in my face!! I NEED NICOTINE! *gasps* Goku! You got something to eat, take these off!!  
  
Goku: Not until I finish.  
  
Gojyo: Do it now! Because when you finish your koala leg, you're going to be hungry again!  
  
Hakkai: SHUT UP! I don't wanna hear about any koala eating! You bastards ate Kanan!! *gets into hysterics again*  
  
Sanzo: Hakkai! Damn it, watch the road and get over your stupid dead koala...girlfriend? *starts getting really confused*  
  
Gojyo: *peels off six nicotine patches* Ha! But damn it...I still don't have a craving...HAVE I BECOME A CIGARETTE SURVIVOR!?  
  
Hakkai: I wish Kanan was a Goku survivior. *glares at Goku* Can we kill him...please?  
  
Gojyo: PLEASE!! I want to destroy Goku!! He made me quit smoking.  
  
Hakkai: HE ATE KANAN!!! *cries some more...*  
  
Goku: I'm hungry.  
  
Sanzo: *Stares at Goku insanely* Okay, that's it... *tackles Goku and falls out of jeep* GAAAAH!  
  
Gojyo: We need to go back and get them.  
  
Hakkai: Okay...I obey Kanan.  
  
Gojyo: What the hell is wrong with you? Did you just call me Kanan?  
  
Hakkai: Of course I did, love.  
  
Gojyo: This is freaky. He is getting all delirious.  
  
Hakkai: Oh darling, stop using big words!  
  
Gojyo: *Looks really, really, really, really, really, really confused.*  
  
Hakkai: *Turns back for Sanzo and Goku but ends up getting blinded by endless visions of Kanan and crashes into a tree*  
  
Goku: Good parking job.  
  
Sanzo: I thought I killed you. *Shoots Goku*  
  
Goku: Haha, that tickles!  
  
Sanzo: What the fuck? WHY WON'T YOU DIE??!  
  
Hakkai: *Glares at Goku with narrow eyes*  
  
Goku: *Scared and confused* um...Hakkai?  
  
Gojyo: What's going on here?  
  
Sanzo: I swear, this kid is immortal.  
  
*things are quiet and for a few seconds*  
  
Hakkai: This is for you Kanan! *chases Goku around*  
  
Sanzo: I am assuming he thinks that you are Kanan...*looks at Gojyo*  
  
Gojyo: Yeah. I don't get it though, do I look like her?  
  
Hakkai: Goku killed my Kanan!! *catches Goku and chews on him and starts foaming at the mouth*  
  
Goku: AHH! Hakkai has rabies!! *tries to get Hakkai off of him* Can't yell, too hungry...  
  
Gojyo: Hey! I think Hakkai might kill him! *applause*  
  
Sanzo: We can't learn all of the colors if Goku is dead.  
  
Gojyo: EGADS! What's what!? *watches as Hakkai's foaming mouth is turning orange*  
  
Sanzo: One of the colors was inside of Hakkai's foaming drool.  
  
Goku: This is so nasty!! GET HIM OFFA ME!! Or I'll eat him!!  
  
Sanzo: Let's have Hakkai play with him a little longer. This is fun.  
  
Gojyo: Alright. *grins, trying to take off his last nicotine patch*  
  
Hakkai: Oh god, I am so sorry Goku. Let me heal you.  
  
Goku: Get away from me! You rabid Kanan-lover! *he quickly climbed back into the jeep, scared of Hakkai*  
  
Hakkai: *sniffles* Kanan...  
  
Gojyo: Well, we learned orange. Want to go search for yellow? *he said, still trying to take off the last nicotine patch*  
  
Hakkai: K-Kanan...*his eyes started watering*  
  
Sanzo: He is NOT driving anymore. *glares at Hakkai*  
  
Gojyo: Come on! I just need this last one off!  
  
Goku: *pulls out random nicotine patch box and sticks another one on Gojyo's shoulder.*  
  
Gojyo: GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!! *smacks Goku and tosses him out of the jeep*  
  
Sanzo: Nice going!  
  
Hakkai: Hurry, keep driving!  
  
Gojyo: Ha Ha! _________________________________________  
  
A/N: We are SO mean to Goku, but hey, I was expecting them to do something like that someday... 


	3. Yellow Shemello!

SAiYUKi: The Stupidest Adventure Ever!  
  
Chapter 3: Yellow, Shemello!  
  
A/N: Wow, we are some seriously messed up people here! Okay, small recap, Gojyo is almost quit smoking thanks to nicotine patches, Goku is hungry, Sanzo is trigger happy and has an even shorter temper (wait...that's normal Sanzo) and Hakkai can't stop bringing up the awful memory of Kanan. *looks over as Hakkai starts to cry*.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own SAiYUKi, but in the fan-girl ownership world, I own Gojyo.  
  
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Goku: I'm hungry and my arm is broken. Of all places to throw me out of the jeep, it had to be a glass and broken metal junk yard! Who came up with something like that!? And I'm hungry.  
  
Gojyo: Why did we go back for him? *sighs as he continues to peel off nicotine patches*  
  
Sanzo: Because we can't learn the colors without Goku. *he was driving because Hakkai was too busy weeping over Kanan*  
  
Gojyo: And why not?  
  
Sanzo: *thinks*  
  
Gojyo: Oh come on, tell me. Ouch. *peels off another patch*  
  
Sanzo: Hmm...*pulls his gun on Gojyo* I DON'T KNOW!  
  
Gojyo: If anything, don't kill me yet...I want to have a cigarette before I die.  
  
Hakkai: Die? DIE!? LIKE KANAN!? *glares at Gojyo*  
  
Gojyo: Hey, can we get him some mental help?  
  
Goku: I am SOOO HUNGRY!  
  
Gojyo: *stares at Goku insanely, holding a random dagger*  
  
Goku: What!? I'm starving! I haven't had anything to eat for almost 5 minutes, my stomach is eating itself.  
  
Hakkai: Do it Kanan!  
  
Gojyo: STOP CALLING ME KANAN! SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR THREE YEARS! GET THE HELL OVER IT!! *stabs Goku out of anger of Hakkai*  
  
Goku: I felt a pinch, who pinched me. WHO PIN---ahhh, too hungry, can't yell.  
  
Hakkai: Sanzo...please...let us kill him like he did...to my dear...sweet Kanan. *breaks down into tears*  
  
Sanzo: I am to the verge of killing all of you.  
  
Goku: Gojyo! You fucking stabbed me! *pulls out a random box of anti-sex patches and sticks them on Gojyo*  
  
Gojyo: NO! MY AROUSAL!! I have no urges for women OR MEN!! *glares at Goku again, his mouth drooling and his eyes glowing red.* First my cigarettes...now...now you have the nerve to take my...my manhood and you expect to live!?  
  
Sanzo: There is a town. *He stopped the jeep and walked to the nearest resturant, everybody followed.*  
  
Goku: I was three things of everything on every menu ever!!!  
  
Sanzo: Get him a banana.  
  
Waitress: AWWWWW! You're monkey can so totally talk! How totally awesome dude!  
  
Hakkai: Yes...ummm...totally? (Sanzo: She called me dude?)  
  
Gojyo: Why does every girl we meet talk like that?  
  
Hakkai: She reminds me...of--  
  
Everybody: OF KANAN!  
  
Hakkai: No, more like Britney Spears, but you can say Kanan too. *sniffles*  
  
Gojyo: Damn it Goku! Thinking of Britney Spears doesn't get me hot and bothered anymore!  
  
Sanzo: Anything Britney Spears shouldn't get you hot and bothered. *lights his cigarette*  
  
Gojyo: NO!! NICOTINE!! *starts to cry and reaches across the table to Sanzo*  
  
Goku: AHH! FOOD'S HERE! *starts to cry*  
  
Hakkai: KANAN!! *starts to cry*  
  
Sanzo: I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS! *starts to cry*  
  
Waitress: My hair like is too blonde!! *starts to cry* It's so out of style!!  
  
Goku: Hmmm...meat.  
  
Hakkai: *glares at Goku* It's not nearly as good as Kanan...was it? She was delicious. *starts to drool*  
  
Gojyo: You tasted Kanan? Like in a sexual manner? Aww, that doesn't turn me on. *starts to tear up*  
  
Sanzo: I think I know a way to release all of my problems. *thinks*  
  
Waitress: Hey! I'm back with like totally more food! *prances over to the table and puts the food down*  
  
Hakkai: Um, excuse me ma'm, do you know anybody around here with rabies that turn yellow?  
  
Waitress: Oh, like of course! There is like a rabies like facility over yonder. You can go like down there and find like somebody.  
  
Hakkai: *notices the waitress is drooling* What's that?  
  
Waitress: Sorry, as a young girl I was abused by man eating caterpillars on a walk through the forest and they damaged my salvary glands so when I am around people who cry over their dead girlfriend alot, I tend to start drooling out of sorrow.  
  
Gojyo: *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*  
  
Waitress: Have YOU totally ever been attacked by like man eating caterpillars?  
  
Goku: *raises hand* I ate one once!  
  
Sanzo: Name something you haven't eaten. *sarcasm*  
  
Goku: Human flesh and bouncy balls. Bouncy balls are hard to sink your teeth into.  
  
Gojyo: I think you have rabies. *points at the crazy like-saying waitress*  
  
Waitress: I do NOT! *yellow stuff starts foaming on the side of her mouth*  
  
Sanzo: What's this? *group glance with the suspenceful music*  
  
Hakkai: She has yellow!!  
  
Gojyo: EGADS!  
  
Sanzo: I think four more to go. *shoots at the waitress and kills her*  
  
Hakkai: Why'd you kill her!? In my mind I coated her with a vision of Kanan! YOU KILLED KANAN!!  
  
Goku: At least I didn't kill her. *rolls his eyes while eating dumplings filled with man eating caterpillars*  
  
Sanzo: Oh my god...*sighs*  
  
Gojyo: Let's get back to the jeep. *drags Goku along, who his chewing on his leg.*  
  
*In The Jeep*  
  
Sanzo: We just have to find green now.  
  
Hakkai: I know. Let's listen to some music. *turns on the radio*  
  
Gojyo: OH GOD! Britney!! *high pitched voice* Hit My Baby One More Time!  
  
Sanzo: No problem. *smacks him with the new and improved Sanzo Paper Fan 3.0, containing not only a state of the art handle, but a new metal base for superb speed and more pain inflicted upon your victim. Today on sale only for the low price of 15.99!!*  
  
Hakkai: Let's go find green!  
  
Gojyo: Wait, if we forgot our colors, how would be know what the next one is or what is looks like?  
  
Everybody: *silent glare at the authors*  
  
Dani and Paisley: Hell if we know, we started writing this at 6:00 in the morning, drunk off strawberry soda and filling up of Ruffles chips!  
  
Everybody: *group laugh*  
  
Sanzo: You all are idiots.  
  
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A/N: We ARE idiots...umm, await the next chapter. Sanzo gets a sudden change in look, voice, hair and well...gender too. We just wanna mess with Sanzo, we already messed with Hakkai, so now it's Sanzo's turn and then Gojyo already got his embrassment by singing Britney Spears... 


	4. Greeny Shmeeny!

Saiyuki: The Stupidest Adventure EVER!  
  
Chapter 4: Greeny Shmeeny!!  
  
A/N: Ummm…yeah.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Saiyuki…or do we?  
  
Hakkai: Sanzo, what's wrong with you?  
  
Goku: Your lips are all pink…and your hair is in pigtails. Mmm…pig…  
  
Gojyo: Pink? SANZO! Did you steal my lipstick!?  
  
Sanzo: in feminine voice No, silly…this is mine.  
  
Gojyo: Shut up! Where'd you get it!!??  
  
Sanzo: The Lipstick Coliseum, dum-dum.   
  
Hakkai: That's where Kanan used to shop! Before you ate her points at Gojyo  
  
Gojyo: I didn't eat her moron, the saru did.  
  
Goku: I was hungry. Oh, by the way…I'm hungry.  
  
Gojyo: No shit.  
  
Hakkai: Gonna eat Kanan again? Huh??!  
  
Sanzo: Stop the fighting, you guys! You're making me cry…which makes my mascara run. It's Chanel.  
  
Gojyo: AHHH! My mascara is Chanel!! YOU BITCH!!  
  
Goku: …CAT FI--too hungry…can't…yell  
  
Sanzo: Girlllll…this is MY mascara. Not my fault we shop at the same place. flips his hair  
  
Gojyo: Anyway…before this transvestite decided to screw with my makeup bag, I need to get these nicotine patches off.  
  
Sanzo: What color do you think matches my skin tone? Plumpy Peach or Gooey Grape?  
  
Hakkai: Kanan had Gooey Grape. It so matched her eyes. Her lovely…eyes.  
  
Sanzo: Girrrrrl, Hakkai is trippin'.  
  
Goku: Too much slang. Ouch, stomach eating itself…can't…go on making fun…of friends…  
  
Sanzo: Girrrrrl, let's get somefing to eat. Something low fat. Like yogurt. Gotta watch muh figure girl.  
  
Gojyo: Let's go get some makeup. Because SANZO--  
  
Sanzo: Nuh Uh Girl. My name is La Sanza now.  
  
Goku: Since you're a woman now, can I do you?  
  
Hakkai: I said that same thing to Kanan.  
  
Gojyo: She used to be a man?  
  
Hakkai: No, she used to be a man.  
  
Gojyo: looks really, really, really, really confused.  
  
Sanzo: OOH! GURL! Red Lipstick!!  
  
Goku: Ummm, Sanzo that's hungry, I mean…green.  
  
Sanzo: MY NAME IS LA SANZA!! tries on the lipstick  
  
Gojyo: Ummm, La Sanza, that's green.  
  
Sanzo: Hmmm…it still looks finnnne on me. starts foaming at the mouth  
  
Gojyo: EGADS!  
  
Hakkai: SANZA! You're foaming. Like Kanan.  
  
Gojyo: GET THE HELL OVER IT! SHE'S DEAD! KANAN IS DEAD!! GET OVER IT!!!  
  
Sanzo: Ooh, gurl, foam looks sexy on me.  
  
Goku: That is so nasty…yet tasty…I'm hungry.  
  
Hakkai: I'm Hakkai, nice to meet you.  
  
Gojyo: I'm Gojyo.  
  
Goku: I am god, hear me roar.  
  
Sanzo falls on floor has a seizure  
  
Gojyo: Not this again.  
  
Sanzo's right eye begins to twitch uncontrollably  
  
Gojyo: Still find yourself attractive? holds random mirror to his face  
  
Sanzo: still foaming I'm--so--effing--hot!  
  
Goku: He is sorta hot…  
  
awkward silence  
  
Sanzo throws up a green cat  
  
Goku: We found green pets kitty I'm gonna name you Avocado, the wizard of the north east side of the western dessert of water and ice cream sprinkles.  
  
Sanzo: Being a transvestite is too difficult. Too much money spent on stealing Gojyo's makeup. I guess I'll just be a man…for now…dun dun dunnnnn  
  
Gojyo: SO YOU WERE STEALING MY MAKE UP YOU WOMANLY MAN!!  
  
Sanzo: I didn't steal it…Avocado, the wizard of the north east side of the western dessert of water and ice cream sprinkles did.  
  
Hakkai: Where did Kanan, I mean, Avocado, the wizard of the north east side of the western dessert of water and ice cream sprinkles go?  
  
Goku: finishes eating Avocado, the wizard of the north east side of the western dessert of water and ice cream sprinkles. Hmm, tails are the best part.  
  
Gojyo: Ewwww, you ate it's reproductive organs. You sick monkey bastard.  
  
Hakkai: Hey, if a woman named Kanan ate a male cat and the sperm went to her you know were, would she give birth to cat man?  
  
Sanzo: Gurl, I dunno.  
  
Gojyo: I thought you weren't a woman anymore.  
  
Sanzo: I can still talk slang. And my name is still La Sanza.  
  
Gojyo: Aye, Aye, Aye, Goku come el gato verde. Sanzo es muy loca. Hakkai triste over el muerto chica amigo.   
  
A/N: Yeah, Sanzo just spat up a cat and changed his name. What the hell? Well, we DID just watch FLCL. 


End file.
